The Heavens Rejoiced; How it all began

 Almost six months ago the heavens broke out in song, rejoicing over the earthly arrival of a sweet baby girl. She entered in a flurry, and quietly; not uttering a sound. Her arrival earthside was almost unnoticed, an ordinary day for the world. But the heavens bore witness. She lay still, silent...waiting. for the moment she would break open our lives, and change the world. She is here. Finally, the world was gifted this incredible girl.

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Incredible news!! Baby Grace's case has officially been moved to adoption!! We are now her adoptive placement! Adoption has not been finalized, but she now has an adoption worker and the paperwork is being filed for adoption. It could still be a few months, but it's moving along and oh-so exciting for her, and us!

As our Baby Grace was born, unforeseen complications resulted in a loss of oxygen to her brain for several minutes. She was immediately rushed to be cooled for 72 hours in hopes of stopping further brain injury. After she was warmed, she experienced a seizure. An MRI confirmed some visible brain damage. 

Her official diagnosis is HIE (Hypoxic-Ischemic Encephalopathy) also known as Intrapartum Asphyxia. 

She spent time at 3 different hospitals. At her last hospital, she underwent surgery to place a Gtube. I can only assume she was fed with an NG tube through her nostril prior. She spent some time intubated and on a vent. I have not seen the official birth records but it was touch and go for a period of time. At one point a foster family was involved that specializes in end of life care, or so I have been told. 

When we first received a phone call from our foster/adoption agency about Baby Grace she was 6 weeks old. We were told because of her brain injury, she might never walk or talk, eat or drink, see or hear. She might not even be aware of anyone's presence around her. She might not be able to roll or move on her own. Even though her doctors were very surprised and excited that she was breathing on her own, without intubation or oxygen support, her situation was bleak. They also shared with us that they were not sure how long she might survive. She could live for a few months or decades. 

In all her time in the NICU her social workers could visit only a handful of times. For the most part, she was alone and laying in a crib. And because she is tube-fed, rather than bottle fed, nurses didn't even need to hold her to feed her. NICU is a medical department, that undoubtedly works miracles for these little ones, but not necessarily a comfort or nurturing environment. Poor baby, I'm not sure how much physical contact she received in those first few weeks.

We prayed and gathered more information for a few days. I had conversations with the NICU team a several times. On October 16, 2021 we made the hour drive to her hospital to visit her for the first time. 

It was a Saturday afternoon, so quiet as I entered the unit. A nurse nodded solemnly at my presence and whispered about this sweet miracle baby. She was so pitiful. Pale and small. No movements. The nurse placed her in my arms. I don't know what I had expected. Something magical? I was holding the first newborn baby that I might ever bring home! But instead "This is not your baby" echoed in my head over and over. I wondered if we had been wrong and maybe we should not be placed with her. I cried into my mask over this sweet, tiny baby who had experienced so much more loss and challenge, in a few moments of life, than I could ever imagine. 

I told Jason in the car on the way home about the voice echoing in my head. And he very matter of factly said, "Well, she isn't our baby. She is a miracle baby. She belongs to God." And instantly I knew she would bust everything open and shatter everything we had known, and it would be hard and difficult and impossible and so so incredibly beautiful. 

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We continued to visit her for the next two weeks. With three older kids at home, homeschooling, we had to take turns visiting. But it was so important that she get to know us, that she know she is wanted and has a family waiting for her to come home. We learned how to do her cares, how to use her gtube, how to administer her meds, how to stretch her stiff limbs. She made no cry, no coo, no sigh or yawn. No cough. She could be in pain or need a diaper change and she had no means of communication.  And she began to tell us things too - how she preferred to be held, how she liked to be rocked, how she hated to be on her left side - opening her eyes wide and breathing heavy when she was upset, still without a sound. I would receive updates from her team when I came in during the day and she seemed to be improving, slowly.

We still had very little idea of what life after NICU would be like, realistically for our little family. We were set up with a medical supply company that would deliver supplies monthly. We knew that, because Baby Grace could not swallow, she would require a portable suction machine to clear her nose, mouth, and throat of any secretions. We also knew that, obviously, she would have a gtube and all that entailed. 

During her 7th week of life there was great discussion about a possible surgery called a nissen that would be performed on the top of her stomach to reduce reflux. But as the week went on, doctors noted her great improvements and determined that since she had a family waiting for her, if she needed the surgery, it could be done at a later time in our local hospitals, rather than continuing to keep her in NIU an hour away from her new home. We went from "she could be going home sometime in the next few weeks" to "she will be going home in 3 days," which, as I later learned, is usually how it works, lots of waiting and then a sudden homecoming.

We scrambled that weekend. We moved Jase to Bear's room, put together a crib we had purchased in MN 3 years prior on the total faith that we would be using it one day for someone special, called all our friends and told them she was almost home.

Throughout this whole journey, our community has been amazing. Incredible. Friends had dropped off diapers, baby clothes, toys, blankets, meals, prayed, gave encouraging words...so many wonderful blessings that bought me to my knees in gratitude for our Father's love and provision from the moment we said Yes. 

I remember sitting in her room before we made the final drive to bring her home. HOME. She had a home. And a sister, and two brothers, and a puppy, and a family...Sitting there, terrified and excited. I knew it would change everything - to bring a medically fragile child home. I knew our days would look different and our priorities would shift. But I also know, to the fiber of my being, that this baby girl was for us, we were for her. And this ordinary mom would get to love on an extraordinary, miracle baby.