To find joy

I'm not one for New Year's resolutions or starting something new just because the calendar reads differently. I am one to reflect and change and start new things…all year round. And I do enjoy sitting with Jason, over steaming cups, and sharing what we remember about the past year -- what we loved, what we hated, what we wished were different, the ways we have been blessed, the ways we wish to improve and how the Lord has greatly moved us once again.

I started 2012 more depressed than I have ever been. Debt, bills, no job, freshly moved across the country in a strange town and no friends or family. And I had much. I had wonderful things to be thankful for, to count myself blessed, many joys to find and hold to…but I missed them for the mess around me. 

I have an amazing man. A great husband who loves me and was with me every moment of the depressing and stressful beginning moments of 2012. I have a great God who works miracles, who does have a plan and will never let us fall. Even though many times I feel I am teetering and losing my balance, he does not forget and does not fail. This is a lesson I learned last year more than any other year in my life. And I do have friends and family…they are just more spread out than I would like. And we found a wonderful church that we are getting more involved with.

Every year has its difficulties. There is never a year in which one says that is exactly the year I was hoping for…in every aspect. Maybe we wish we saved more, lost more, didn't crash the car or made more friends. There is always something so it is silly to me to tally up all the ways I wish my life were different. And perhaps, if I were one to carry resolutions high on my shoulders, that would be mine -- to live gratefully, love true and deep, find the joy and let it's weigh count greater.

And my soul has been moved…to forgive, to let go, to throw out bitterness. My soul has been moved to find the greater, the joy, the good and to see the ways in which God is good…even when the darkness surrounds.

My soul has been moved to change this blog. And many of you may be thinking "again?" it seems that it is something that I do seasonally. And that's okay with me. Life changes and we change. I change. And in view of my new 'resolution" or lifestyle (yes. Lifestyle, I prefer that.) This can no longer be an "infertility blog." Not that I will no long talk about this very huge part of my life -- the tool used by the Father's hand to mold me, shape me….sharp and gentle. But there are other things to talk about. Other things to share, other areas to turn focus. 

As this year opens, fresh snow laid white before us, I am convinced that life is a journey, an adventure. Always moving forward, the scenery may change as well as  our companions on the road. But it is never over. And even when the adventure ends here…it begins again, anew and fresh, for those of us called to glory elsewhere, for this is not our home.

And I need new. I need a different focus. I need to turn a new leaf and leave This Barren Land….venture out beyond to see all that lays before me.