Mother's Day

(Originally written and posted by me in May 2011 here)


it is mother's day and i truly hope and pray that everyone has a great mother's day. if mother's day is a sad or torturous day for you, i hope that someone makes it a little better.


i think i was ready to go to church today. i had been thinking about this all week. there is also something about going to a fairly new church where i am not known by everyone. the unwanted comments and advice are greatly decreased. i can hide and pretend to have a good time.


but last night my husband talked to me and told me that he was not ready.it was a great midnight conversation and i could see his sadness for me as he told me about running to the store yesterday trying to find a card, but, as we know, there are none.


so we decided that today we would sleep in, go out for breakfast somewhere that mothers don't usually like to go to on mothers day, like mcdonalds, go to an early movie, and clean the house together. i think this will be a great mother's day.


i am glad that i am at a place where i can do what is healthy and right for me without feeling guilty. i used to think that i had to go to church otherwise people would think i was ungrateful for my mom and other moms. it's not that i'm ungrateful today and avoiding mother's day. i have been realizing in the last couple years that forcing myself to go to church this sunday causes more anxiety, shame, frustration, sorrow, and hurt than good. and that i can skip church, get all my frustrations out, write and drink coffee, then go out with my family to celebrate my mother. i enjoy mother's day more and can be present with my mom, which is extremely important to me.


i just encourage you today to have the courage to do the things that you need to do to stay sane and healthy in this incredibly overwhelming situation, provided that these things are not illegal or immoral.


thanks to all those amazing women who have taken the time to wish me a happy mother's day. your kind words have blessed my heart more than you know. it is so...incredible just to have someone acknowledge that today is a difficult day. it means i don't have to pretend i'm having fun. someone sees me and i can be myself. i hope that you, whoever you are, have the opportunity to experience that today for yourself.


happy mother's day.