To all you warrior Moms, this one is for you

Mother's Day has been historically difficult for me. (Read about it here if you are so inclined.) I am sorry to say that I allowed others' opinions of who to celebrate on this special day to dictate my enthusiasm and behavior. I have loathed this day. I have avoided it. I have stayed home and I have buried my head deep under the covers until Monday. And I am sorry. Because in my hurt I have failed to overcome and to celebrate my own mom, the good man's mom, my friends, and family. I have missed opportunities to speak life and blessing and joy and gratitude. I am sorry friends, family, if I have missed you, forgotten you, let my own struggle get in the way of celebrating you, rejoicing with you.

My desire is that no woman should feel forgotten, unseen, ignored, unworthy, an outsider on Mother's Day. It's time that we toss out the traditional mold that we so eagerly applaud,

I want to celebrate Mother's Day. I want to celebrate the real Mother's Day the way that it was meant to be celebrated, should have been celebrated from the very beginning. I know that I will probably carry mixed emotions about this day for the rest of my life. Infertility has changed me. But I refuse to let it stop me from celebrating the wonderful women who brave the journey of motherhood in its various forms.

 Let's applaud the real, tough, brave, and sometimes messy, moms as they are in this moment, right now.

No mom is like another. No mom is simply Mom, unscathed and with a smooth journey. We are much too fertile for our own sanity, we are infertile. We have expected and unexpected pregnancies, pregnancies successful through natural means and modern medicine, rough and easy pregnancies; we lose our babies.
All labor and delivery is miraculous and terrifying -- whether or not medications were used, a cesarean was needed or opted for. We give birth to health babies or we sit by helpless as our tiny sick baby is poked and prodded. We chose to give this precious life to others through adoption, an amazing selfless choice; or we bring this new life to change our home and world forever. We need an extra hand, a boost of help, when experiencing postpartum depression or we don't. We bring our baby home surrounded by supportive family and friends, or we brave this road alone as a single parent. We breastfeed for two days, two weeks, two years. We breastfeed an adopted child, one we love as our own yet did not carry in our womb. We use formula. We use grocery store baby food or we make organic food at home. We lose the baby weight or we don't. Or maybe we never gain the baby weight because we never carried a baby, we chose to adopt a child, not an infant. We babywear and co-sleep or sleep train. We use disposables or cloth. We public school, we homeschool -- the point is our children learn. 

No matter the journey we are all mothers. And this special day is for you -- you warrior mothers who put another first, who proudly or unknowingly wear milk or food throughout your day, who are sighed or scoffed at by know-it-all teens, who fight through the daily joys and grief of motherhood -- as learning to walk is a miracle in itself yet means our little ones are growing more independent, we lose sight of the baby and now see the child. 

Happy Mother's Day to every woman, every mom. 

To those who are pregnant this very moment, expected and unexpectedly, we rejoice with you. You carry life and we recognize this baby growing.

To those walking the difficult journey of infertility, we mourn with you. We see you. We recognize your value and worth. We see your courage. Forgive us when we say foolish things, we mean well but cause hurt. We remember you.

To those who lost a child this year -- through miscarriage, failed adoption, failed fertility treatments, running away, or death of any kind -- we mourn with you. We know this day is difficult and we offer love and support, however you need it.

To those who are working their way through the adoption process. We wait with you. We appreciate the tremendous amount of work you are putting in to be the forever home for a child who needs a family. We applaud you.  

To those who corral and clean and calm little ones every day, we appreciate you. Know you are valued, your work never ends, and never gets a paycheck; believe you are impacting lives everyday. We applaud you.

To you brave single mothers, we are in awe of you! We support you and cheer you on. We hope someone is looking out for you today, letting you rest as you deserve. We applaud you.

To those who selflessly placed your child through adoption, we see you. We recognize your motherhood and your impossibly difficult decision. We praise you and mourn with you the loss of this special relationship. 

To those who are foster moms, mentors, spiritual moms -- we need your strength, guidance, leadership and are so thankful for your service. You are unsung heroes and we applaud you.

To those who, in past lives, have chosen abortion - we recognize your child as a life lost and mourn with you. We recognize the difficulty of that situation and your decision. We offer comfort. And hope you find healing.

To those aunties, sisters, grandmas, friends and neighbors who bravely take on the role of Mother for a time or two. We welcome you into our world. We are thankful for your willingness. You allow us to take time so we can be the Mom we really need to be. We thank you. 

To those who have wonderful relationships with your children, we celebrate with you. We thank you.

To those who have difficult, distant, turbulent relationships with your children, we encourage you. We sit with you. We thank you for your persistence and bravery. 

To those who are parenting children, grandchildren, with special needs, you are an inspiration. We know you are just walking your path and don't ask for praise. We advocate with you. We support you. We apologize if we don't know what to do or have the words to offer. We are in awe of you. We applaud you.

To those who are or will be empty nesters this year, we celebrate and mourn with you. We hope you find peace in this new stage.

To those who have difficult or hurtful, even abusive, relationships with your mother, we mourn with you. We sit with you. We cry with you. We acknowledge your experience. We truly hope that you find a mothering figure who might bring some healing.

To those who have lost their mothers this year or many years ago, we mourn with you. We remember and celebrate her memory with you.  

Mother's Day is for the warrior women who have sacrificed -- body and soul -- to be family and life for any child. Mothering is not for the faint of heart. It is for the brave, for the courageous, the gentle and kind. It's for the real, messy, in the trenches mothers, young and old.

Happy Mother's Day. 

I celebrate with you.

Happy Mom's Day to my wonderful mom 
who still slaves over the sewing machine into the wee hours of the morning to create amazing costume memories. 

Happy Mother's Day to my second mom
raised the good man into the good man he is.

The above list is inspired by and adapted from The  Messy Middle