Mother's Day for All Mothers

Let me start this right. 

I love my mom. And I love being with my mom on Mother's Day to celebrate her in all that she has done for me. I love celebrating with moms. I love that we are a culture that loves, honors, and respects our mothers. Without them, we would not be here. I struggle with this day every year. I do not wish to take anything away from mothers anywhere. I do not wish to make this day about me, or those who are not yet mothers. But we need to find ways to honor and celebrate without hurting others. 

.     .     .     .     .

It comes back to me when I am standing alone searching through the cards. Flowers and glitter, lace and ribbon, love and thanks scrolled wispily for mothers. It comes back to me as I read. My face is hot. I don't want to be this person, this emotional mess crying in the greeting cards. But I am and I can't forget.

Mother's Day in small town, small church Minnesota.I want to be here, maybe it's more that I want to want to be here, but I just can't. I can feel it coming, that ever celebrated act of singling out the mothers. Announcements are shared then the mothers are asked to stand. A flashing red neon sign says I do not fit. I am alone. I swallow hard. I stare at my feet. "To honor the moms here today." And I am to remain seated. They clap and honor moms because "motherhood is life's greatest blessing." I hold back the tears. I feel stripped. Naked. Shamed. Alone. …And there is "no one more important than a mother, woman's highest calling." A sharp stab to the already broken heart. 

Sarah, Rebekah, Rachel, Hannah, Elizabeth…the matriarchs of the Word cried and begged and pleaded to God for open wombs, pregnant bellies and babies to call their own. How has the church forgotten so easily? Eve, Bathsheba, and Mary lost sons before their time. So easily we overlook. These are stories we've heard before, flannel boards acted out before our little eyes, and we continue to tilt our heads at the sound: "Infertility?" "Miscarriage?" "Stillbirth?"

Mother's Day isn't just an awkward afternoon for me. It is the yearly reminder of one of the most hurtful experiences in my life. Dehumanizing, stripped of worth, cast out. The message to those left sitting : Real women stand. Real women are mothers. Real women, real mothers, hold their babies. Women worth celebrating have given birth. The message to the younger girls is that motherhood, the ability to parent your own flesh and blood, is a goal to be attained, something to aspire to. Motherhood equals value -a perspective that loses sight of the whole woman and the child.

It's not that I'm bitter. I'm not angry. I've realized a simple truth: they do not know. These elders and pastors, welcome committee members, they don't know there are people like me walking through their doors. They don't know how to respond to us. They don't know the right words, if there are words. They don't know. But there are ways to honor and celebrate mothers without alienating and hurting others.

My wish is that all women feel they are welcome. Of all places, they should feel most welcome in church. To come through the doors on any Sunday and know that they are loved, needed, seen, honored, vital, and appreciated. Because it's true. We need them. 

We can do things differently now.

From The Messy Middle .

Do away with the standing. You mean well, but it’s just awkward. Does the woman who had a miscarriage stand? Does the mom whose children ran away stand? Does the single woman who is pregnant stand? A.w.k.w.a.r.d.

 Acknowledge the wide continuum of mothering.

To those who gave birth this year to their first child—we celebrate with you

To those who lost a child this year – we mourn with you

To those who are in the trenches with little ones every day and wear the badge of food stains – we appreciate you

To those who experienced loss this year through miscarriage, failed adoptions, or running away—we mourn with you

To those who walk the hard path of infertility, fraught with pokes, prods, tears, and disappointment – we walk with you. Forgive us when we say foolish things. We don’t mean to make this harder than it is.

To those who are foster moms, mentor moms, and spiritual moms – we need you

To those who have warm and close relationships with your children – we celebrate with you

To those who have disappointment, heart ache, and distance with your children – we sit with you

To those who lost their mothers this year – we grieve with you

To those who experienced abuse at the hands of your own mother – we acknowledge your experience

To those who lived through driving tests, medical tests, and the overall testing of motherhood – we are better for having you in our midst

To those who will have emptier nests in the upcoming year – we grieve and rejoice with you

And to those who are pregnant with new life, both expected and surprising –we anticipate with you

This Mother’s Day, we walk with you. Mothering is not for the faint of heart and we have real warriors in our midst. We remember you.

To this list I want to also add:

To those who are single mothers, we are in awe of you. 
To those who selflessly chose to place your child through adoption - we praise  

you and mourn the loss of that relationship with you. 

To those who, in past lives, have chosen abortion - we recognize your child as a 

life and mourn with you, we recognize the difficulty of that situation and your decision. We offer comfort. And hope you find healing.

So spread the word. Talk about these issues. Send a card to a friend. Visit with your pastor this week. Send a quick email. Be that woman who is loud and fierce and passionate about others. Be that woman who sees the hurt and offers a hug and a kind word, who speaks up.

And to all mothers, of every kind; to future mothers, and those who are like mothers to others...

Happy Mother's Day from the bottom of my heart. You are seen, loved, appreciated, cherished, and needed. 

. jenna .