Not My Story

The other show that has had an impact on my life with infertility is "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant!" These women give birth to their surprise babies on the toilet, in their front yard, in he bathroom and wherever else labor catches them off guard. Many of these women give birth to full term babies!


I can give these women grief all I want (How does that happen? Don't these women pay attention to their bodies? Ugh!! These women didn't even have to think about having a baby?! NO PRENATAL CARE?!) but one simple fact remains: there is not one month that goes by when I don't pray that their story is mine.

For both shows, "A Baby Story" and "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant!," aas well as in my daily life, I have had to learn what it is to live in the midst of the sovereignty of God.


I could call a woman, who is addicted to drugs and alcohol, undeserving of children or a man, who is abusive, undeserving. I could say, and have said in the past, "God, how could you give them a baby and not me? How could you see this child would suffer yet allow it to happen when i am here waiting? I would be a great mom!! They don't deserve a baby! Do you even know what you are doing??" But the truth is that God does know what he is doing and he doesn't have to ask my permission or tell me even the slightest bit of information about his pain.


I cannot judge.


I have to remind myself that this is someone else's story. Not mine and I'm not entitled to demand my story be the way I want. In God's sovereignty he has chosen young girls, knowing that they might choose to abort. He choses people who are abusers and neglectors to have children too. (Or at least he allows them to ability to have children.) He also brings special needs children into loving and caring homes and communities. It rains on the just and the unjust alike...


MY feelings do not change the fact that each one of the babies is a little miracle and deserving of celebration.


God is good and just. In the middle of this crazy, fallen world, God, in his sovereignty and providence, allows the unfair and uses the unfair to work our is great and perfect plan. Our pain and experience is not perfect but through the redeeming work and love of Christ it may be redeemed and restored into something greater than we had imagined.

Photo taken by Kristin Boyd 2011

We know that we might never hold a child of our own but we know that this is not the end of our story. We know that pain and disappointment has not won. I could be bitter and clain to know that I know more than God but I don't. I don't know what is planned for these little lives, and their families. And I don't know what God has planned for me in my own story.


How can I possibly presume to know that a story without infertility in my life is better than one with it?